(and to turn that age on Father's Day)
  1. It's weird.
  2. And it doesn't feel possible.
    I always knew he was young when he died. But I feel younger. His kids were so much older than mine. Maybe that's part of it...?
  3. Am I on borrowed time?
    Ridiculous, right?
  4. Unfair.
    I'm missing out on my dad. My birthday feels oddly tarnished from this particular milestone. And to top it off, I have to share the day with my husband.
  5. Well, to REALLY top it off I have to live with the knowledge that I'm a selfish jerk for thinking like that.
  6. Especially since (when looked at another way!) I'm now older than my mom ever got to be as a married woman.
    I should be grateful that I have him to share the day with.
  7. There's too much pressure to put on my Big Girl Pants and look at the bright side.
    It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.
  8. Like now the bandaid is ripped off.
    And in eight short years, my brothers and I will all be older than my dad ever got to be. And that makes him seem farther away than ever.