GREAT WAYS TO START YOUR MORNING (NOTHING TO DO EDITION)
- •Some intercourseOr a beej or whatever fun multiplayer thing makes your body happy
- •A smile from someone you loveBest ever if it's someone you're IN love with, including children, tho they'll suddenly start demanding shit and throw off your whole perfect morning.
- •A percocetAt first I was gonna say 'this is only if you're not a junkie' because then it's more of a special treat, but I guess if you ARE a junkie, there's no perfect morning without a Percocet. Regardless, a painkiller will fix your hangover right up, just don't be an idiot. They're super bad for your liver, and there's nothing I hate more than going to funerals, so be a goddamn grownup.
- •A cocktailWhat, mother? Can't a gentleman start his day with a Percocet and a cocktail without getting that stankeye?
- •Sitting on a porch in lovely weatherWhere else are you gonna enjoy that cocktail?
- •Letting the world burn around youIt's your morning. Just chill. Panic doesn't solve anything. Doesn't fix your tomorrow and ruins your today on top of it
- •A good dumpShhhh. Let's not pretend this isn't crucial. Every single commercial about breakfast that talks about "starting your day off right" is secretly about taking a dump. Word to the wise: Percocet counteracts this, most important of all necessities
- •Nothing to do laterYou're wasted on the porch in your underwear. You'd best not have anything to do.