PROPLE IVE BEEN OVERWHELMINGLY ATTRACTED TO, TO MY COMPLETE SURPRISE

  1. Older waitress with buzzcut: paris, 1988
    I was at a bistro with my mom. I was 12. She wore a miniskirt and had an (ahem) ample bosom. I had to actually excuse myself to the restroom (like you do when you're 12) to clear my head before the entrees even came.
  2. Dude at metro, Chicago, circa 1997
    Never been attracted to dudes, but my friend introduced me to this guy and he was just so intriguing. Very blue eyes. There was a real undeniable magnetism between us. I am almost positive if I'd asked him to sneak into the bathroom stall, he would have been down. The whole thing was shocking to me in every way.
  3. Turkish bartender w humongous nose. Stuttgart, 2006ish
    She was maybe 24. Her nose was so big it seemed to take up her whole face. It should have been repellant but instead it made her so beautiful that I couldn't look away. Something about that nose. I would have done anything for her. I still think about her and her beautiful, gigantic nose all the time.
  4. My grandma's friend, St. Louis 1992
    She was old. Short silver hair and red lipstick. At the end of the night she told me that if she were younger she'd invite me back to her house. I was 16 and my hair was bright red. She was extremely elegant.
  5. Quite old Korean bartender at cafe bong Chicago, 1999
    Flirty in broken English. She was very old. Cafe bong is a karaoke bar where drunk Korean businessmen get ossified drunk and karaoke Korean pop right from their barstools. She wouldn't stop flirting and laughing and touching me. I actually asked her to go home with me. This made her nervous and I felt like a total jerk.