1. Someone you love is freshly dead
    Kind of a gimme, but what kind of list would this be if this wasn't on here, Lo mein?
  2. Realizing you just hurt someone you care about
    Pretty easy to rationalize selfish actions but that moment when you see what you've done in the stark light of someone else's pain...whoooooweee. Fucking that dude in cabo wasn't all that rad suddenly, was it?
  3. Coming close but still failing
    This sucks. I've been almost good at a lot of things and the pain of dashed hope is so incredibly soul crushing. Better to not even come close sometimes
  4. Hangovers (post 35 edition)
    These last 3 days and hurt your soul and make you feel helpless and horrible. Don't know what I mean? Just wait. You will
  5. Lost parent/lost child
    GODAMNIT ikea. Why?
  6. Realizing they don't like you
    Only relevant if it's someone you really admire/want to fuck/love and still feel that way about once you realize that they don't like you. Otherwise, who gives a shit?
  7. Realizing what you've squandered
    So don't ever do this. Let go of regret and focus on balancing the part of your life that you can still do something about
  8. Being really truly mocked
    When someone has your number and properly dresses you down it's a horrible stomach ache that you can relive on demand
  9. Lonliness
    Worst one. All the others on this list are symptomatic of the attempt to escape and avoid loneliness. Everyone likes to be alone now and then. Not what I mean. You know what I mean. Shh. Let's hug.