ALTERNATIVE FITBIT RANKINGS
Maybe you're a fellow participant in the Fitbit craze? It seems like everyone I know got one for Christmas (including me.) The competition is fierce. Here are stats I wish they reported, and a few I'm glad they don't.
- •Ounces of sweat lost during hot yogaWho are we kidding? Let's make that CUPS. Nay, GALLONS.
- •Number of bruises acquired in modern dance classIf you aren't bruising you're doing it wrong.
- •Sighs expelled on reading coworkers standings in our office Work Week Hustle ChallengeThese fools are ACTUALLY into to this. I on the other hand am committed to establishing the baseline. And may I just say, Mission. Accomplished.
- •Arm raises completed whilst curling hairI'd win this HANDS DOWN. I've got quite the mane y'all.
- •Hours spent completely stillOn the couch watching Netflix
- •Calories consumed whilst on said couch
- •Ensuing vigorous fist pumps to add fake stepsThis is 100% cheating . . . and it works.
- •Arm slides accomplished while pulling the door to let the dogs outThis numbers in the 1,000s.
- •Pounds of food carried in a hand-held grocery basketI refuse to get a cart, ever. My biceps are damn strong because of this. 💪🏼 (Also, I grocery shop hella fast. This remains some of my greatest skills. *Excuse me while I add this to my LinkedIn & Match profiles*)
- •List to be continued. . .