ALTERNATIVE FITBIT RANKINGS

Maybe you're a fellow participant in the Fitbit craze? It seems like everyone I know got one for Christmas (including me.) The competition is fierce. Here are stats I wish they reported, and a few I'm glad they don't.
  1. Ounces of sweat lost during hot yoga
    Who are we kidding? Let's make that CUPS. Nay, GALLONS.
  2. Number of bruises acquired in modern dance class
    If you aren't bruising you're doing it wrong.
  3. Sighs expelled on reading coworkers standings in our office Work Week Hustle Challenge
    These fools are ACTUALLY into to this. I on the other hand am committed to establishing the baseline. And may I just say, Mission. Accomplished.
  4. Arm raises completed whilst curling hair
    I'd win this HANDS DOWN. I've got quite the mane y'all.
  5. Hours spent completely still
    On the couch watching Netflix
  6. Calories consumed whilst on said couch
  7. Ensuing vigorous fist pumps to add fake steps
    This is 100% cheating . . . and it works.
  8. Arm slides accomplished while pulling the door to let the dogs out
    This numbers in the 1,000s.
  9. Pounds of food carried in a hand-held grocery basket
    I refuse to get a cart, ever. My biceps are damn strong because of this. 💪🏼 (Also, I grocery shop hella fast. This remains some of my greatest skills. *Excuse me while I add this to my LinkedIn & Match profiles*)
  10. List to be continued. . .