1. I golfed on a Wednesday.
    Who does that? Your grandfather.
  2. I mow my lawn every three days.
    Like your grandfather does.
  3. I don't like young people.
    With all their hip lingo and self esteem.
  4. I sit on my porch and yell at cars.
    I used to be that kid going too fast.
  5. I have not one, but two sweat suits.
    Like matching top and bottom sweat suit.
  6. I will talk about socks at great length.
    I have an argyle collection that would make most old men have a heart attack.
  7. I will add more as they come to me. After all, my mind isn't what it used to be...