SECRETS REVEALED! Car Dealer/Furniture Store Promotions

Ever week, I design full page print ads for several car dealers and furniture stores. Here are a few of the headlines I've used along with what they actually mean.
  1. Spooktacular Savings!
    Great for Halloween ads. The savings however are like ghosts in that they don't really exist.
  2. HUGE Discounts!
    They are always the same discounts.
  3. Inventory reduction!
    Inventory is the same as it's always been.
  4. MASSIVE SAVINGS!
    The "savings" is always the same.
  5. Save up to 70% off!
    One cheap mirror that they keep in store so they can say that.
  6. Sizzlin' Summer Savings
    Alliteration goes a long way in this business.
  7. YOU ARE APPROVED! GUARANTEED!
    At a ridiculously high interest rate.
  8. ROCK BOTTOM PRICES!
    On high mileage used cars from the 90s.
  9. Mattresses starting at $99!
    It's dryer lint stuffed into a sack.
  10. THIS WEEK ONLY!
    And then the several weeks it's "HELD OVER!"
  11. These are just a few. If you'd like me to decode any other promotional headlines, just post them in the comments below. 😎