That time I tried to harass SNL into hiring me as a writer.

I actually started a Twitter account just for my shitty jokes. Assuming this would be a solid route to comedy writing. Then, when the time was right...
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    I tried just asking.
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    Maybe the Weekend Update folks would be of assistance...
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    I offered up real solutions...
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    I tried bribery...
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    One of the SNL writers even liked one of the tweets.
    Josh Patten.
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    Then nothing. No phone calls, no emails. Nada. It's as if they thought I was just another jerk on the Internet.
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    But I'm not just another jerk damn it. I'm the jerk who just wants to help an institution that was and still is very important to me and likely several other people.
    The sketches aren't always bad. Some are actually good. But then you run the joke into the ground πŸ˜©πŸ˜«πŸ˜–
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    But it's cool. I'll wait.
    I'll just keep biding my time. Tweeting moderately funny things and making lists of gripes.
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    They will seek me out.
    This is an actual thing I have thought. πŸ€”πŸ˜Ž
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    They will just be sitting around in the writers room and start reading my tweets.
    "Ha! This guy is right! You really never see any ads for grape soda!"
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    And then the call will come.
    Somehow they would have my number? They'd figure it out. Anyway, they fly me to NYC and I become instant friends with the cast and crew. Like one of those people in the opening credits that are all laughing and having fun. πŸ˜†πŸΊπŸ™ŒπŸ»
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    I will come up with some hilarious sketches.
    People would be cracking up. I'd basically just say funny things and somehow they'd do the actual work. πŸ˜‚
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    Then, I'm hired as a writer, but they let me Skype in so I don't have to uproot my entire life to live in a shitty apartment in NYC.
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    The End 😎