HOW TO HAVE AN EPIC ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP

People always ask me the key(s) to my insane marital bliss. I'm going to share them with you. 15 years and going strong.
  1. Know what matters to you
    Get to know yourself, how you feel about things, how passionate you are about everything and be proud of it. Really confront the good, bad and the ugly. Do you like to eat frosting out of the tub while watching slasher flicks? Don't deny it. There's space for all your weirdness and someone out there loves it, too. (Pic: Your partner will be ready for you to take weird pictures with horror icons)
  2. Be honest
    Relationships are compromise but there are limits. I am child-free by choice. When my first husband changed his mind about this and wanted a child, we broke up. This was no up for debate with me. You have to know your limits. (Pic: playing together and staying together.)
  3. Share your wildest dreams
    We both have "day jobs." But, right now, I'm building my comedy website, we're having our latest single mastered and I'm mastering the drums. Don't let your dreams and desires die at, "I Do." Let them flourish. Now you have an instant partner! (Pic: soundcheck)
  4. Separate bank accounts
    Seriously, just do it. If you want to have a joint account that you only put house money into and it's only accessed for a few shared things, fine. Otherwise, seriously, you'll thank me.
  5. No, really, separate bank accounts
    "You spent $150 on comics?" "You spent $100 at the bar?" Who wants to have this conversation? You're adults. Pay your bills, but don't share math problems.
  6. You gotta have friends
    Don't forget your friends and bring your friends together. It's a great feeling when a bunch of both of your friends come to your show and they just all gather together. Also, when they talk, you may be helping them. More than once, one of my friends got a job from a casual conversation.
  7. Go on dates
    Real dates. Get fancy. Rent a hotel room. Drink champagne. Surprise your "date" with a ticket to a festival they didn't know was happening. Find an obscure movie. Take last minute road trips.
  8. Have sleepovers
    Plan a series of movies, get themed snacks, wear animal pajamas, shut off your phones, make a pillow fort, do facials.
  9. Love your family in-law
    Send them text messages from YOU, not "we." Take pics on your phone and send them. Check in on big days. If you're lucky, you will gain the best niece ever, like me. In this case, take her to get a tattoo, to Vegas, and rock shows. Have your own friendship with them, they're family! And, having issues with them can hurt your relationship. (Pic: really. Take your niece to Vegas.)
  10. Get touchy
    Kiss, hug and say, "I love you," every day. Send pictures of you kissing your dog. Send otter gifs. It's always nice to hear you're loved. (Pic: dog pics win.)