REASONS I WAS KICKED OUT OF MASSACHUSETTS
Fine. Some of my friends miss me and I miss them. But the state and I didn't get along and I didn't let the door hit me in the Masshole on the way out.
- •I don't give a crap about sportsballSure, I used to go to Bruins games occasionally, but that was a fight that broke into a hockey game. I don't care who is playing, where they've been traded and I certainly don't want to spend 30 hours a week on it.
- •I'm allergic to beerIt took me awhile and a horrible allergy test to figure this out, but I'm allergic to beer and I don't care enough about beer to care.
- •F**k foliage. Seriously."Don't you miss the seasons?" No. I don't. You mean how 49% of the year is 10 degrees Fahrenheit with 2 feet of snow on the ground and another 49% is 95 degrees with a billion percent humidity? No. I'm cool.
- •But what about LOBSTAH, KID?1 tablespoon salt water + 1 tablespoon butter = seafood. Never liked it. Any of it.
- •No thanks, giant Catholic familyFinish high school. Marry the least horrible option. Breed. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Again. Die. No. Thanks.