YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT CABIN FEVER
Whether it's weather (see what I did there?) or a fun-tastic combo of viral and bacterial party animals living in your host body, sometimes you get trapped in a room. Here's some crap to keep you from having, "The Shining Syndrome."
- •OrigamiIt doesn't take physical prowess, no fancy dress and in some movements of fingers, you can have a tiny swan. If you want to get straight-up crazy, break out the art supplies and put some googly eyes on that bitch.
- •"I'm a writer."Write a book. Why not? What makes any of those, "look bitches, I have a book," people, any better than you? Only one thing makes them better: they have a book. Go back through time, write out some of your life experiences long-form, make it a book. To cheer yourself up, plan the first leg of your book tour.
- •Take a full battery inventoryAre you ready for the zombie apocalypse? The rapture? No. No, you are not. I know because I'm psychic and that common sense stuff tells me this List App hasn't trickled down to the survivalist demographic, although, hello? Lists and the apocalypse - 2 great tastes that taste great together. Don't be caught with no power. Flashlights, communication devices, vibrators - make sure they are ready.
- •Throw it outThrow everything out. Just start running around saying, "have I used this in 72 hours? NO? TRASH!" Hell, donate everything. Just to have fun with it, make each box confusing for the charity. Pair power tools with your aunt's ashes and a banana slicer.
- •Practice crying on commandThis is harder than it sounds, but a great skill. After practicing, I find that getting my lip quivering helps the rest of the process. When you return to the world, bust this out in the middle of a funny story at a party. Pat yourself on the back. Rinse. Repeat.
- •MoisturizeWe all own so much moisturizer and it just doesn't get used as much as it should for it's popularity. Give your whole body the gift of sampling the wide variety of moisturizer you never use. Don't pretend this isn't you. I can see you eyeballing some Green Tea shit, right now.
- •Add something to a list... Like this one. I made this a contribution list so we can work together and because after 2 months of illness, I desperately seek human interaction and validation. My hope is I will receive a heart-warming comment, "you changed my life. My vibrator IS out of batteries. My Xmas was almost ruined. I love you. You're a hero." I would like this to be followed by a curated, crafted list of emojis. 💩😷🤖🙌🏼🤘