A COLLECTION OF MY MOST RECENT TWITTER JOKES THAT I HAVE WRITTEN

I don't do one liners by themselves here but then I thought a collection of them would work just fine. Perhaps I should call this an anthology
  1. You can't judge a book by it's cover unless it's a book about covers
  2. Whoever said money can't buy happiness probably had a lot of it I bet
  3. When @MCHammer dies of a drug overdose it will come out that his friends tried to get him to stop but in the end he was just too legit to quit
  4. I long for the simpler times like a month ago when George Lucas was complaining to anyone who would listen about the new Star Wars
  5. I didn't see the X-Files is everyone's childhood ruined yet? No? Guess i'll just wait till Fuller House then
  6. Random celebrity quote that supports my point of view
  7. Will Peyton Manning go to the Superbowl at age 40 like God intended or will yet another 69 year old british musician die first?
  8. Jimmy Buffets back on tour. Aren't you guys curious about what horizons of rock he's explored since writing Margaritaville 37 years ago?
  9. When Trump becomes president the quest for the one ring will begin in earnest
  10. my life would be complete if there was a baseball player who was a Star Trek fan and who also wrote an autobiography called "The Trouble with Triples"
  11. I also thought the debates last night were a little one sided, they didn't let Paul Ryan speak at all #SOTU
  12. The reason that we can't defeat Isis is that Obama keeps calling them Isil. He doesn't even know who they are!
  13. Whichever team loses in the Super Bowl it will be because they weren't in it and everyone knows that you have to be in it to win it
  14. I think a large portion of my life has been spent avoiding getting yelled at
  15. If a public restroom works should it have a sign that says "in order"?
  16. If Donald Trump promised to ban abortions and declare war on Syria and Iran he could clinch the nomination today
  17. If Donald Trump's words contributes to Isis then the Milwaukee Brewers name contributes to drunkenness. Actually both could be true.
  18. Words of wisdom: if you don't put mustard on your sandwich you won't get mustard on your pants
  19. Proposal: instead of making the big shootings BREAKING news just do a segment about that days shootings wherever they are. Not Alive at 5
  20. According to my research they sell Big Macs at @mcdonalds