1. Thank you for your submission, but unfortunately it does not fit our needs at this time.
    We didn't read it
  2. Thank you for your kind correspondance in regards to our department, but we are in the process of moving and can't respond to everyone individually.
    Moved automatically to the spam folder
  3. I love your ideas! Please keep us in mind next time you have creative thoughts.
    You've been passed around as an office joke
  4. I regret to inform you that your response did not arrive soon enough to meet our latest deadline. We hope that you continue to support our fine publication and look forward to hearing from you in the future.
    You need to donate more money to appear in our magazine
  5. Thank you for your time and effort in composing such a fine letter. We were not able to get your message to Santa Claus at the moment as he is away scouting new toy making oportunities.
    Elderly mail room employee who can't bring herself to tell a kid that Santa's not real
  6. Congratulations! You were one of the first to inquire about our contest. You got all of the answers correct. Sadly you are not eligible to win the Disney vacation for your family because you stated on your entry that you are 12 years old and our prizes are reserved for members 13 years of age or older
    The person who recieved your letter never got hugged as a child and has devoted their adult life to ruining dreams