HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL ACTOR

  1. Be related to a famous hollywood star, producer or director
  2. Get cast in a starring movie role by your dad Will Smith
  3. Be really really good looking
  4. Have someone bankroll you in an expensive acting school and pay you a stipend to live so you have no financial worries
  5. Sleep with a producer or one of the people on this list
  6. Sleep with a president
  7. Stage a coup of a small european country
  8. Win the lottery and find one of the people on this list then sleep with them
  9. Star in a popular movie
  10. Be an alien species and host the body of Tom Cruise
  11. Pass out hundreds of headshots and postcards and attend dozens of paid networking seminars with casting directors, agents, directors, and other hangers-on, work like crazy, audition all you can, and get really really lucky
  12. Be in a successful band and then look so much like a mobster that you start getting hired to play mobsters