1. Ive always been afraid of admitting my feelings.
  2. Even as a child i can remember not telling people things. Once when i was 6 at the boys club an older boy i didn't know tried to sign me in and asked what age group i was in. i didnt talk to him because i thought it should be obvious i was in the youngest bracket. He walked away frustrated but he should have introduced himself first.
  3. In high school i didnt have a girlfriend and i let the girl i was best friends with get away because i never told her i liked her or wanted to kiss her or anything and we hung out all the time and i did want to kiss her. We agreed to get married at age 30 if neither of us married then but she only last till age 26
  4. I went to a bible college for one year and had lots of girlfriends that seemed interested in me and i was madly in love with one through letter writing but i lost her ultimately because i wasn't listening to her or thinking of her needs. Later she said something about i only talked about movies or something
  5. Years after that at some point it seemed girl's didn't know i was interested in them.
  6. "How could you not know" i always thought
  7. I let several more girls i could have married get away because i didn't tell them.
  8. I saw one of them recently in a work situation and after she was out of sight i burst out crying because i had really loved her and she knew that but didnt know i was interested in her.
  9. I always thought that girls would want to marry their best friend. Wouldn't you want the person you spend the most time with to be your friend and lover? Why would you want to have to look for other companionship? It sounds like too much work.
  10. Flash forward to this week in greenpoint and i asked a costume designer friend of 8 years out to dinner and i paid for it. She was feeling very sick or else i would i have told her i wanted it to be a date instead of later
  11. The next day we were eating food in my car that i shared with her from the film set i was working on and i told her i had wanted it to be a date. She got a strange look on her face and said "You didn't open the door for me. You weren't a gentlemen"
  12. I explained that my car was just sitting there and i didn't think of it. She went to a doctors office for a neck rash after that and didn't mention it again until today, 2 days later.
  13. It was kind of inappropriate she said. "U brought it up as I was leaving to make the Dr."
  14. I responded "I wanted to tell you in person and i didnt know when the best time to bring it up was. Feelings are difficult"
  15. She was not swayed by my response and said "I haven't seen you in yrs, so I'm not sure how u somehow developed 'feelings.'"
  16. "I liked you right away i was scared to tell you" was the best and most honest thing I could say.
  17. Questions, comments, suggestions?
    Yes i could have just screenshotted the text exchange but it needed to be curated a bit
  18. I also want to stress that this is the first time ever I've told a girl that i wanted it to be a date.