WHY IM PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE

  1. You asked me to punch you in the face
  2. You punched me in the face
  3. You asked me to write a review of the new Adam Sandler movie "Pixels"
  4. Its a radical new therapy for Cancer patients
  5. You gave me a gift card to Red Lobster
  6. I was trying to punch the guy behind you
  7. I was practicing pulling my punches and i missed
  8. You punched my goat
  9. I was on LSD having a bad trip and i thought you were the ghost of my old boss at McDonalds who never let me leave without dumping the fry oil out back and when someone tells you that when you're on a bad LSD trip you dont always take it the right way
  10. I'm a contestant on a new gameshow called Punch Your Friends. Its sort of a metaphor for modern political discussion
  11. I was rehearsing scenes from Fight Club
  12. Saving you from Cancer