Reasons @tombatten Hasn't Watched Attack on Titan

I never got in to anime, but Attack on Titan is great. https://www.netflix.com/title/70299043?s=i
  1. His dick is stuck in a claw machine in the last Chuck E Cheese's that didn't have his picture up at their security office.
  2. His Netflix account is stuck on Spanish.
  3. Constant masturbation.
    22 days is his personal record.
  4. His eyes are still recovering from that time he tried to dye them to match his gown like Dorothy.
  5. It's subtitled, and he can't watch tv without also reading a book. It's a serious condition.
    He's considering surgery to allow his eyes to go to different directions like a chameleon.
  6. He actually chose to watch the cinematic garbage, The Mummy, instead.
  7. He doesn't want his mother to see it on the Recently Watched list in Netflix bc she will probably assume it's tentacle porn.
  8. He's technically Catholic; watching anime is most definitely a mortal sin.
  9. He hates me and everything I like.
  10. He once dated a giant woman who almost snu-snu'd him to death.
  11. He has no time between traveling to exotic locations full of beautiful people to read his stories and promote The Tusk.
  12. Every cartoon strikes subconscious terror in his child psyche from when his mother smashed his Castle Grayskull.