1. β€’
    "Four hours is NOT just a nap!"
    Yes it is, and I'm about to take another one
  2. β€’
    "Guns don't kill people; people kill people."
    Yeah, but like also definitely guns
  3. β€’
    "You didn't read the fine print?"
    Absolutely not
  4. β€’
    "Why are you so broke all the time?"
    Because I spent all my πŸ’ΈπŸ’ΈπŸ’Έ
  5. β€’
    "Netflix and chill"
    I kinda can't believe people actually say something this dumb
  6. β€’
    "Obama is the worst President we've ever had!"
    Stop being a drama πŸ‘ΈπŸΌ
  7. β€’
    "Do you want to add fries?"
    Let me know when you have a real question
  8. β€’
    "Everyone just hates Trump because he says the things that nobody else wants to say."
    That's because the things he says are absolutely horrible and nobody should ever say them ever
  9. β€’
    "You went to Disney World in COLLEGE?!?!?!?!?"
    Yeah. I did. It was amazing. Now get off my dick about it.
  10. β€’
    "Are you sleeping?" When clearly you're trying to.
    Well I almost was, thanks.
    Suggested by @LizDawson
  11. β€’
    "Wait - you want a SECOND piece of cake?"
    Did I stutter?
    Suggested by @samandreacchi
  12. β€’
    "Do you know you're speeding right now?"
    πŸ˜‘ thanks mom
    Suggested by @maggzerts
  13. β€’
    "Wait so you're just gonna stay in on a Friday night? Are you sure you don't want to come out?"
    Suggested by @sarahgorman
  14. β€’
    Are you still watching ________?
    Netflix, don't test me.
    Suggested by @stars
  15. β€’
    "Do you know where you're going?"
    Said the person who's never gone there before. No, I like the scenic route.
    Suggested by @aida
  16. β€’
    Just ringing to check you got that email I just sent.
    *hangs up phone*
    Suggested by @DawnCloud