NOTES FOR MY ROOMMATE'S GIRLFRIEND

  1. Stop leaving the seat down after you pee.
  2. It's nice that you bought your own shampoo, but please stop using Herbal Essences Ultimate Curls Peach-Flavored shampoo. It smells up the whole bathroom. Plus it's mine.
  3. Sorry for walking in on you in the shower last week. I should have stopped once I reached the shower.
  4. I know you think I hate you because of that letter I left on the fridge. But let me remind you that I signed it anonymously.
  5. Contrary to what you believe, I DO have a girlfriend. And unlike you, she doesn't talk back to me and I can deflate her anytime I want.
  6. I understand that many companies let their employees work from home. But this is not your home; it’s your boyfriend's home. Also, sorry to hear that you were fired from your job.
  7. I really don't mind when you walk around the apartment in your underwear. If anything, I mind when you don't.
  8. It was a mistake texting you that list of things I hate about you. I sincerely meant to send it to someone else.
  9. If you think that hiding your box of tampons in my box of Cheerios is funny, then you're gonna crack up next time you need a tampon.