EMBARRASSING THINGS THAT I DID AS A CHILD
I'll add more as I think of them.
- •I, over the course of a few months, repeatedly told my parents I was going to grow up to be a horse.I told my dad I'd miss him when I couldn't talk any more (being a horse and all). He was pretty dismissive, so I had a serious discussion with my mother about how to break it to him. I called myself Black Blooty, because I couldn't pronounce Beauty.
- •I got so scared watching Jurassic Park at a friend's birthday that I cried and left the theater.His dad, my baseball coach, hung out in the lobby with me for an hour.
- •I walked into a hot tub with my cell phone in my pocket, got to the bottom of the hot tub steps, turned around, and put my ruined cell phone on the side of the hot tub.It was the beginning of a long line of destroyed cell phones.
- •I threw a pitch over the backstop.It was a knuckleball. It was not a good knuckleball.
- •I jumped the garage door beam so it would close behind me, landed on black ice, and got a concussion and a fractured wrist.By the time I came to and went back inside, my mom assumed I had been to the store and back and didn't realize anything was wrong. This is my best friend's favorite story. He is a monster.
- •I put on my own windshield wipers. In a downpour soon after, one of them detached, leaving me with half a wiped windshield, and a permanent scratch where the other one would have been.