It's been a year since coming out as bisexual. Here's a selection of the things I've heard that make me give serious head-tilt and side-eye.
- •"I love gay people, just not like, you know, feminine gay guys"What I hear when people say this, what I hear is that they are fine with gayness only when it is muted or invisible. Being uncomfortable with gay culture is homophobia. It's great that you're alright with the idea of what gay people do in their bedrooms, maybe just expand that to being alright with gay people?
- •"Bi now gay later"This is rude. I hear it constantly, mostly from the gay community. There's some perception that being bi is a myth and people who come out as bi are just uncomfortable with being gay. If that does describe someone, who cares! Why chastise someone who is having difficulty accepting who they are? There's already enough self-hate in the gay community, let's just agree to let people self-identify their sexuality and just leave it at that.
- •"Omg, can you be my GBF???!"For those who don't know, a "GBF" is a "gay best friend." All I can say is NOPE. Objectifying people is wrong whether it's for their sexuality, race, gender, whatevs. I don't want to be your friend BECAUSE of my sexuality, I want to be your friend because we like each other for some reason. Chances are, if you ask me this, I won't be your BF at all...✨
- •"Wow, I wouldn't have guessed that you were gay at all"This mostly pisses me off because it's typically framed as a compliment. First off, being gay is not a bad thing. Secondly, what does a gay person look like? Sound like? Dress like? Speak like? We are not a monolith. If I said to a straight person, upon learning that they're straight "oh my god, I had no idea you were straight!" They would probably be offended too. Let's all just agree to stop saying this?
- •"Is that a girl or a guy! Lol I can't even tell"How to sound ignorant as fuck. Maybe they're a male, maybe a female, maybe neither! A good way to find out is to get to know the person instead of judging them at a distance.