YELP NIGHTMARES: THE BAD-YELPER-POCALYPSE.
You know, the wave of idiots that should be banned from ever writing reviews.
- 1.You're Just BasicThey think Panda Express is real and good Chinese food and suddenly they are qualified foodie guides for Chinatown...or Chevy's is real Mexican food, or Cheesecake Factory is the standard for truly good cheesecake. You'll see these people rating really bad places as their favorite spots. And you look to the friend next to you as you read their ratings and say, "basic bitch."😒
- 2.No, YOU Should Get One Star!! ⭐️Amazing food, great service, nice atmosphere... Doesn't open on Tuesdays... 2 stars. We've seen it. They are out there. And these people shouldnt get even a star for their rating credibility. They should get a big pile of poo. Your rating, 4 poo plops. 💩💩💩💩
- 3.Is This Place Good or Not???I'm on the road and I'm starving. I have a lot of places to check out on Yelp. Mind you, I might have to run a few more search terms for several regions. My dear, I don't care if your kids thought the food was great. I also don't want to read about the backstory on why and how you came across this place. And of course, I skim to get to the actual review portion... "My kids loved the food. I'll bring them back next time." 4 stars. Unless your kids are pro foodies, you get 5 poo plops. 💩💩💩💩💩
- 4.Oh, You're Reviewing Exclusively for Psychics"Love it here. Will come again with friends" for all I know, this person thinks PF Chang's is the best Chinese food ever. These people always got "please elaborate" on their schoolwork from their teachers.
- 5.Add a Pinch of Salt and a Herd of TouristsTourist traps like Times Square In NYC, or Chinatown Sam francisco... Forget about using yelp to find authentic New York style cheesecake, authentic and delicious Hong Kong style food, or the best Neapolitan style pizza. Even the most mediocre pizza place in Times Square will get 4 stars. Sorry, some people are just hungry... Especially tourists.
- 6.Stop Ordering that Passion Fruit TeaI'm reminded of this amazing place for milk tea (boba) in the SF Bay Area. That's what they did really well -- milk tea. Their food was mediocre. When you go to this spot, you order the milk tea, especially if you're trying this place to see what the hype is all about. But then this person orders a passion fruit tea... Utterly basic and it can't get any better than it already BASICALLY is. And the person gives it 3 stars for the beverages. 😒 no wait, not open after midnight. 2stars. 😒😒😒
- 7.Please Hit Cancel. ThanksGreat service, super nice nurses, cute office, nice doctor. I went in for a cold and the doctor prescribed some medication for me. Felt better in a matter of days. 5 stars. Need I continue?
- 8.You're Not Helping... Or Yelping.Ever see the proverbial yelper that rates 4 stars for everything about the place but fails to review the the main thing? Lots of parking, good service, beautiful ambiance, pretty bathroom, ... I didn't really eat anything as I was just accompanying a friend, so this review is solely on the amenities. Or they might say everything is good, food was good too--I had a diet coke and bread. 4.5 stars