16 Vaguely Inappropriate Things Said at Catholic Christmas Eve Mass (Ranked)📂
I'm in rural Indiana visiting my partner @AJ's family. We went to Christmas Eve Mass at Catholic Church. I was raised Protestant going to a low key Presbyterian church so all the rituals and chanting at Catholic Church is fascinating to me. Here's a few things I said to AJ. (Apologizes if any of this truly offends any ListApp Catholic folks.)
- •I think I am the only Asian person in this church.Actually I saw two Asian boys and a Latina girls running around afterwards. I think they were adopted. Otherwise I was the only adult person of color in the church. I don't know why I am surprised. I'm in rural Indiana.
- •Look an altar boy!I hear about them and see them in the movies. But never saw one in real life. Or maybe I can't remember. But they actually dress like they do in the movies!
- •I though mass started at 4pm. It's only 3:45pm. Why are we singing? Is this the pre-show?Apparently it was the pre-show.
- •What is the table and stage up there at the front of the church?I mean, I know it's an altar. But is that just part of the stage of there or is the entire stage called an altar?
- •Wait. Why is the hymnal all in English? I though we were going to a Latin mass!I was kind of joking but also not really because I figured a Latin mass would be really pretty to listen to.
- •Well, you could go across the street to the Spanish speaking church and pretend it's a Latin mass.@AJ was talking about the Mission across the street from our apartment. Back in San Francisco. Not anywhere around where we are right now. Rural Indiana remember? I told him that was not what I meant when I said Latin.
- •When I was a kid I didn't understand why Rudolph wasn't in the hymnal book.AJ actually said this to me. Totally legit question from a kid's perspective.
- •Look! An altar girl! That's so progressive.Apparently @AJ said they have been doing it since he was a kid. Didn't know that!
- •I think we're the only gay people in church.@AJ's response was "well, the only out gay folks."
- •I was baptized at a Presbyterian Protestant church. What happens if I take communion?@AJ's response was "You'd be silently judged by every member of the church. But otherwise nothing."
- •Is it weird that there is a statue of adult Jesus and Baby Jesus next to each other? Like how can they exist in the same space? Isn't that a violation of the space time continuum?Somehow it doesn't bother me that there's crucified Jesus over the altar. It's farther away and not part of this scene.
- •How much do you have to give to light one of those candles. Is there a suggested minimum?These were the candles underneath Joseph, Mary & baby Jesus and adult Jesus statues.
- •Everyone dips their finger into the same holy water bowl? Isn't that unhygenic?I though this was a legit question. Everyone dips their hand in the water and then splashes it on their forehead and clothes. You don't know where their fingers have been. I really hope everyone washes their hands after going to the bathroom.
- •The more you give the more likely your prayers will be answered.This was @AJ's response to my candle donation question (#5).
- •Well Jesus probably kills all the germs.@AJ's response to my question about the holy water (#4).
- •Is it in the job description that the priests are also child molesters?This was probably the only really inappropriate thing I could have said in church. But I couldn't help myself. @AJ shushed me. But then he giggled.