16 Vaguely Inappropriate Things Said at Catholic Christmas Eve Mass (Ranked)📂

I'm in rural Indiana visiting my partner @AJ's family. We went to Christmas Eve Mass at Catholic Church. I was raised Protestant going to a low key Presbyterian church so all the rituals and chanting at Catholic Church is fascinating to me. Here's a few things I said to AJ. (Apologizes if any of this truly offends any ListApp Catholic folks.)
  1. 16.
    I think I am the only Asian person in this church.
    Actually I saw two Asian boys and a Latina girls running around afterwards. I think they were adopted. Otherwise I was the only adult person of color in the church. I don't know why I am surprised. I'm in rural Indiana.
  2. 15.
    Look an altar boy!
    I hear about them and see them in the movies. But never saw one in real life. Or maybe I can't remember. But they actually dress like they do in the movies!
  3. 14.
    I though mass started at 4pm. It's only 3:45pm. Why are we singing? Is this the pre-show?
    Apparently it was the pre-show.
  4. 13.
    What is the table and stage up there at the front of the church?
    I mean, I know it's an altar. But is that just part of the stage of there or is the entire stage called an altar?
  5. 12.
    Wait. Why is the hymnal all in English? I though we were going to a Latin mass!
    I was kind of joking but also not really because I figured a Latin mass would be really pretty to listen to.
  6. 11.
    Well, you could go across the street to the Spanish speaking church and pretend it's a Latin mass.
    @AJ was talking about the Mission across the street from our apartment. Back in San Francisco. Not anywhere around where we are right now. Rural Indiana remember? I told him that was not what I meant when I said Latin.
  7. 10.
    When I was a kid I didn't understand why Rudolph wasn't in the hymnal book.
    AJ actually said this to me. Totally legit question from a kid's perspective.
  8. 9.
    Look! An altar girl! That's so progressive.
    Apparently @AJ said they have been doing it since he was a kid. Didn't know that!
  9. 8.
    I think we're the only gay people in church.
    @AJ's response was "well, the only out gay folks."
  10. 7.
    I was baptized at a Presbyterian Protestant church. What happens if I take communion?
    @AJ's response was "You'd be silently judged by every member of the church. But otherwise nothing."
  11. 6.
    Is it weird that there is a statue of adult Jesus and Baby Jesus next to each other? Like how can they exist in the same space? Isn't that a violation of the space time continuum?
    Somehow it doesn't bother me that there's crucified Jesus over the altar. It's farther away and not part of this scene.
  12. 5.
    How much do you have to give to light one of those candles. Is there a suggested minimum?
    These were the candles underneath Joseph, Mary & baby Jesus and adult Jesus statues.
  13. 4.
    Everyone dips their finger into the same holy water bowl? Isn't that unhygenic?
    I though this was a legit question. Everyone dips their hand in the water and then splashes it on their forehead and clothes. You don't know where their fingers have been. I really hope everyone washes their hands after going to the bathroom.
  14. 3.
    The more you give the more likely your prayers will be answered.
    This was @AJ's response to my candle donation question (#5).
  15. 2.
    Well Jesus probably kills all the germs.
    @AJ's response to my question about the holy water (#4).
  16. 1.
    Is it in the job description that the priests are also child molesters?
    This was probably the only really inappropriate thing I could have said in church. But I couldn't help myself. @AJ shushed me. But then he giggled.