Answers to: Questions I Have for the Male Species
Answers from an Asian gay man's perspective for questions that @lfried asked. (FYI, just my own perspective. Not trying to answer for all gay men out there). BTW, I get a little real here.
- •What's it like to have a penis? Does it get caught places?I enjoy it. But I also enjoy other people's penises too. So there's that. I've been lucky to never caught it in places. Unless you are talking metaphorically about sex. In which case I probably made some dubious choices in my 20s. But usually underwear keeps my penis in check and keeps it from getting caught in uncomfortable places. (FYI, It's also why I prefer button fly over zipper fly.)
- •Do you worry about aging and becoming obsolete too?Yes. Conventional wisdom would say more so than a straight man but probably less so than a woman. But I don't know. A lot of straight men hit that scary middle-aged crisis. And a lot of women I know are all "Fuck it. I am what I am." Mostly it's not an issue for me other than health concerns as I get older. I rarely worry about becoming obsolete. That would imply I feel contemporary & current, a feeling I've also rarely felt in my life. Chalk that up to the double strike of gay and Asian.
- •Do you think about your "masculinity" a lot?I used to. Especially growing up Asian and gay in the Midwest. Not so much anymore. I'm pretty comfortably with my masculinity (or lack there of). I live in a bubble here in San Francisco, but despite the fact I have no interest in traditional "masculine" subject matter like cars or sports, I look at my group of friends and I'm definitely in the middle scale of masculine vs. not. But then I have friends who do drag a lot. In the real world I probably veer way more toward not. Meh. Don't care.
- •Does feminism scare you? If so why?Nope. Doesn't scare me at all. I've taken more than enough gender studies and women studies and identity studies classes in college. And I've worked through enough of my own gender/sexuality issues as well as seen first hand some of the issues that my female and trans friends have had to go through. Proud to be a feminist. Weirded out by those who aren't.
- •Do you have less emotional noise? Or do you simply not check in with it?I don't know how to compare my emotional noise with yours or someone else. Growing up Asian I was pretty emotionally repressed. This backfired on me in my late 20s/early 30s where I suddenly found myself at a crisis/crossroads. I ended up going to 5 different therapists (concurrently, not consecutively) at the same time to work stuff out. But that's a list all by itself. Now I would say I'm probably on par w/most people. But I have tools to keep it all in check.
- •How would you suggest women support each other better like bros seem to be able to?I'm not sure I can answer this question. I have close friends (male, female, trans) and we all support each other. Actually, nearly all my friends are close friends. The type that will drop anything and everything for me (and vice versa) if the need occurs. I don't really know how else to have friends. Any friend that isn't supportive of me...I can't really call them a friend. As I get older, I realize my bullshit meter gets more sensitive and those that trigger it, I just sort let drift away.
- •What about intimacy is so scary?Holy crap. I think people have written books about this topic. Look, intimacy is fucking scary as hell for everyone. People just deal with it differently. I grew up in a house where I never heard the words "I love you". Telling another boy I liked them could have resulted in me getting beat up. It led to all sorts of issues & HUGE defensive walls. If I don't get intimate with someone, they can't hurt me. All that said, I'm way more resilient now. Thank God for those 5 therapists and my partner.
- •Is it fun to pee anywhere?I dunno about fun. But it's way convenient. The line for the men's bathroom is nearly always faster. If I need to go, I can head to the bushes. And since I'm gay, sometimes I get to cross streams! Ok, so yeah I guess it's fun.