Why Do Coffee Shops Outside My Neighborhood Suck So Bad?

I realize I'm spoiled living in the Mission where there are a tons of 💯 coffeeshops. Yesterday I found myself in the SF Richmond neighborhood w/an hour to kill & the coffee shop was 👎.
  1. Bad greasy baked goods
    I think muffin was bought at CostCo. A waste of calories but I didn't have breakfast. So I choked it down. Ugh.
  2. The coffee tastes burnt
    No seriously badly burnt. It was a latte. Did they pull the shot too long? Use over roasted beans? How is this acceptable? I've had better lattes at Starbucks, purveyor of mediocre coffee. Ugh. I had to throw it away (going against all my Asian training in never wasting food).
  3. Those weak thin trifold napkins that require you take 27 of them because they are useless.
    Plus they had a sign next the dispense that said "napkins come from trees". If you had better napkins, I wouldn't have to take a million of them.
  4. My chair has duct tape
    This is an improvement over the only other coffee shop in the area that had hard plastic chairs suitable for senior cafeteria dining only.
  5. This table is something out of my college dorm common room.
  6. People are making phone calls.
    No photo because I don't want to shame anyone but making calls in a coffee shop seems really weird. And it's not like "oh hey, you caught me at a bad time, lemme call you back!" Sort of things. These are scheduled calls. One person pretended she was the doctor's receptionist and was taking appointments for the doctor. Sketchy!
  7. Crazy old man exclaiming out loud "Shit is coming out of my ears!"
    I don't think he's actually crazy because he's sitting with someone and paid for his breakfast sandwich. But his ungroomed ZZ Top beard has me questioning whether he was homeless or not. But then I realized all the homeless are in my neighborhood. They wouldn't be here. Also he's totally chatting on his cellphone (again with the phone calls in here).