I BASICALLY GREW UP IN FOOTLOOSE

I grew up in a super conservative household. But don't worry. I've recovered.
  1. I saw Footloose when I was 29.
    When my friends found out how conservative my childhood was, they asked if it was like growing up in Footloose. I didn't know because I'd never seen the movie.
  2. I couldn't watch Dirty Dancing because my parents thought it was about dancing.
    If only they'd known!
  3. I got excused from square dance in gym class because of my parents' sincerely held religious beliefs.
  4. I never went to a dance.
    My high school had banquets instead of dances.
  5. Dancing was considered the worst.
    We used to joke that premarital sex was frowned on because it would lead to dancing.
  6. No pictured cards or numbered cubes.
    Playing cards and dice were forbidden. I still call clubs "puppy paws" and spades "shovels."
  7. My high school boyfriend and I once got into a fight about which was worse: trick-or-treating or going to the movie theater.
    I married him.
  8. I didn't go to a movie theater until I was 19.
    I was in college and saw The Lion King. I immediately called my father to confess.
  9. No mixed bathing.
    Swimming strictly segregated by gender.
  10. Playing on train tracks was encouraged.
  11. My dad is a pastor.
    So literally the John Lithgow character. My dad's definitely against book burning.