REASONS I CAN'T EVEN

  1. Wearing pants made of fabric without stretch
  2. Chatty Whole Foods Cashiers who inquire about every ingredient you are buying and what you are planning on making with them
  3. Loud talkers/laughers in a bar, restaurant, 24 ft vicinity who believe that sharing is caring at 50+decibels plus everyone needs to hear what they have to say because they are so cute, funny, smart, witty, sexy, etc.
  4. Not winning the Powerball
  5. Burnt popcorn bits wafting in the already stale, cubicle air
  6. Friends going on exotic vacations more than once a year
  7. Girls talking about how small they are and how nothing fits and how it's so sad 😭
  8. Guys walking around wearing imaginary floaties (delusional muscles) that prevent them from lowering their arms along the side of their body when walking through a room
  9. Attending parties with more than 3 people I don't know and less than two people I know