WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE NOT EXPECTING

  1. Unlimited cocktails
  2. Questions about your obvious new pregnancy (squeeee!) when you are bloated
  3. Having a sushi, brie, and raw oyster taco in red wine reduction sauce while sitting in a very hot jacuzzi and having your nails painted
  4. Frequent mini-lectures on 1) how you only know what real love is once you're a parent 2) you should procreate in order for someone to take care of you when you are ag-ed 3) your biological clocks ticking and your rapidly approaching Crypt Keeper- status sex cells