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First thoughts upon seeing some women's white summertime attire.
  1. Virgin sacrifice
  2. 1st to die in a George A Romero film
  3. 30 going on 13
3 more...
All the things I wish I'd learned but never did ... and never will now that this list has provided false validation. *Crosses off each item slowly and with flourish.
  1. Learn Spanish
    Namely for watching Jane the Virgin and refining a killer Sophia Vergara impression.
  2. Learn physics
    You can't go wrong with basic knowledge of the workings of the universe. Also, I'd like to destroy all the young white male writers and their sci-fi/no-it's-not-like-The-Matrix-you-don't-get-it screenplays.
  3. Take dance classes
    The middle schooler in me yearns for the days of opaque tan tights, sweaty shoes that curl into rotten twists of leather, and homosexual instructors named Cecil that rocked the town of Lawton, Oklahoma with his patented "shampoo" dance move.
2 more...
I've never been there, and she offered.
  1. A) Nathan Fillion.
    Capt. Mal ALL DAY.
  2. B) Legit maple syrup.
    I'm supposing it's the Canadian meth.
  3. C) Stories of police officials on horses.
    Adult virgins in ill-fitting hats.
2 more...
*Photos are chosen with pointed intent because I'm not overly trusting.
  1. Pips and her face.
  2. Tattoo and batique.
  3. Dad's resting incredulous face.
2 more...
  1. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" as Rosie Perez
  2. The first two stanzas of Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven as The Count from Sesame Street
  3. Sublime's "Summertime," substituting "Dinner" for "Summer"
  4. The Supremes' "Baby Love" as Lois Griffin