Three Things You Don't Want to Hear Before Boarding a Plane

All things I've actually heard.
  1. 1.
    Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be just a moment while they try to put a piece of the plane back on.
    And this was before an international flight.
  2. 2.
    For your safety we kindly ask that you seek the nearest tornado shelter.
    Dallas in the springtime.
  3. 3.
    You're flight has been canceled.
    When it actually wasn't.