WHAT I WOULD DO IF I WAS ON "AMERICAS GOT TALENT"

  1. Correctly predict who will be sent home on a reality show within the first minute
  2. Show off my ability to sing all the parts of the backup singers in any popular song ever
  3. Pull the lint from the dryer trap off in one unbroken sheet
  4. Make an origami star out of my straw wrapper
  5. Tell you where anything is located in my local Kroger, down to the shelf
  6. Spell pretzel wrong the first time every single time