EARLY EVIDENCE THAT SHOULD HAVE TIPPED MY PARENTS OFF ABOUT ME BEING GAY
I mean, the writing was on the wall, guys. And that writing was done in glitter glue.
- •I owned both Spice Girls albums.And I was disappointed that "Spice World" didn't feature a joke from the trailer.
- •I took figure skating lessons for a year.I really wanted to do a backflip on ice like my early childhood idol Surya Bonaly.
- •That, uh, Surya Bonaly was one of my childhood idols...I mean look at that woman.
- •I made a plan for a business that exclusively sold items with dolphins on them.Mandy Berg never got as into that one as I did. Missed opportunity, Mandy, missed opportunity.
- •I was perpetually disappointed that I never got to use my sister's Easy-Bake Oven.It was just sitting in the closet gathering dust. I could have used that thing to master the art of creme brûlée. I COULD BE A CHEF RIGHT NOW!
- •My school projects featured more intricate beading and fabric swatches than an entire Jo-Ann Fabrics.But that Indian in the Cupboard outfit was on point (and probably offensive in retrospect).
- •I dressed up as Vanna White not once, but twice and thought I pulled off the makeup pretty well.The second time took zero effort to convince me. Well, the first time didn't really either.