EARLY EVIDENCE THAT SHOULD HAVE TIPPED MY PARENTS OFF ABOUT ME BEING GAY

I mean, the writing was on the wall, guys. And that writing was done in glitter glue.
  1. I owned both Spice Girls albums.
    And I was disappointed that "Spice World" didn't feature a joke from the trailer.
  2. I took figure skating lessons for a year.
    I really wanted to do a backflip on ice like my early childhood idol Surya Bonaly.
  3. That, uh, Surya Bonaly was one of my childhood idols...
    I mean look at that woman.
  4. I made a plan for a business that exclusively sold items with dolphins on them.
    Mandy Berg never got as into that one as I did. Missed opportunity, Mandy, missed opportunity.
  5. I was perpetually disappointed that I never got to use my sister's Easy-Bake Oven.
    It was just sitting in the closet gathering dust. I could have used that thing to master the art of creme brûlée. I COULD BE A CHEF RIGHT NOW!
  6. My school projects featured more intricate beading and fabric swatches than an entire Jo-Ann Fabrics.
    But that Indian in the Cupboard outfit was on point (and probably offensive in retrospect).
  7. I dressed up as Vanna White not once, but twice and thought I pulled off the makeup pretty well.
    The second time took zero effort to convince me. Well, the first time didn't really either.