Abilities I Wish I Could Put on My Resume
Inspired by @so_so_funny
- •Ability to ignore my problems.
- •Ability to always, without fail, want what I will never have.I'm really fucking good at this one.
- •Knack for remembering useless information.Need someone to recall when you said you're allergic to cats 6 months ago? As long as it's not actually important, I'm your man!
- •Unique ability to tweak my hamstring while reaching for socks that were on the floor.Did this this morning. What a catch I am.
- •Ability to tweeze my own eyebrows and never mess up, except like once a year but no one ever seems to notice, so I guess it's fine then?
- •Ability to relate anything to Seinfeld.
- •Risk management.In order to manage risk, we must first understand risk.
- •Ability to get a tonsil infection & mono days before my friend's wedding, of which I am a groomsman.
- •Ability to make to-do lists, then throw them out and start over if there's even one small error/spelling mistake. Or maybe if I just don't like the way it looks.Time management, bitch.
- •Ability to be aggressively unemployed.
- •Hire me, you'll most certainly regret it.