Ghosting Strategies for Any Historical Period
For all you time traveling non-committals out there.
- •WWIIGrowing weary of all those needy, self-absorbed letters? Send a blank piece of paper in return. He'll be so distracted he'll probably get shot and die. Problem solved.
- •The Paleolithic EraSo you met this cute Cro-Magnon boy last week and now he won't. stop. drawing. on your cave walls. Common problem. Here's the fix: scrub them clean and if he confronts you about it, say you never got them.
- •Italian RenaissanceArt show? Boring. Intermittently send messages via carrier pigeon that always say "5 mins away". Repeat until art show comes to its merciful end.
- •Oregon TrailSimply die of dysentery. He/she will catch on when they discover your lifeless body on the trail 3 weeks later.
- •Colonial TimesTell him/her you're moving. Give a fake address in Roanoke for quill pal correspondence. It'll sort itself out eventually. Side note: Roanoke, the most elaborate ghost job ever.
- •Ancient GreeceTell them you're training for this new thing called the "Olympics" and won't be in polis for a few months. If he/she sees you in the stands, promptly stab them in the eye with an olive branch. Peace for all.
- •Middle AgesThat knight you met at the joust won't stop trying to get inside your corset. Ask him to slay a dragon for you. He'll be gone for months! If he returns with the dragon's gold, say you're really into silver now.
- •The Roaring TwentiesShit. You met him at a speakeasy last week and never returned his call. Well wouldn't you know it, he just showed up at your flapper party. Quick, hide in a pile of cash and feathered headdresses until the stock market crashes.
- •1 A.D.He and his two friends are riding ALL the way to Bethlehem to hang with you and your friends? Seems desperate. Make up a story about a magic baby and say you'll meet them there.
- •The year 3016Turn off hippocampus read receipts and ignore all incoming iNeuron messages. Tried and true.
- •Primordial SoupIncessant chemical trying to bond into an amino acid? Swim to the other side of the pond until you both die off in a couple thousand years. Life will go on. Actually, it probably won't in this case, but what were you supposed to do? Be honest and direct? Ridiculous!