I'M RUNNING OUT OF PATIENCE AND I'M LEGITIMATELY TERRIFIED

  1. I've had two major surgeries on my shoulder (dominant arm). The last one was a year and a half ago.
  2. I tweaked my rotator cuff about two months ago. I've been in physical therapy for a month and it started feeling really good.
  3. I finally stopped worrying about it. 2 weeks to go.
  4. And then it started bothering me again.
  5. Doing the same shit it was doing before therapy.
  6. It's weird, bc it feels stronger than ever, but at the same time it doesn't feel quite right.
  7. I shouldn't have to move my arm around to work out the soreness or the pinching or to get it to crunch or crack. That's not normal. That's not how it felt 3 months ago.
  8. I shouldn't have to ice it constantly.
  9. My neck is also killing me.
  10. I've had a pinched nerve for a few years. Probably a compensation injury from ignoring my shoulder injury for years.
  11. I've been to PT for it. It helped, exercise in general helps. But it's not going away
  12. Every fucking movement I make is a sharp pain down the side of the neck. A nagging, constant pain like someone is pulling on a wire.
  13. Sitting makes it worse.
  14. My life basically fell apart after my first shoulder surgery.
  15. You think you're going into surgery to fix a problem, but it only created more.
  16. I wasn't able to work for a long time and then I needed another surgery which repeated the process and now I'm scared I'm gonna need a third and maybe something for my neck one day, maybe sooner than later.
  17. Potential employers don't give a shit.
  18. All they care about is the gap on my resume, which is growing.
  19. I don't even know how to express the stress I feel right now.
  20. There's so many aspects wrapped up in this, financially, professionally, physically, I can't even begin to try to explain it all.
  21. I don't know the right combination of words for that.
  22. But I'm 27 and it feels like I'm in a hole I'll never find my way out of.
  23. I want to feel ok and live my life, but my body is not allowing it.
  24. I can't take it anymore.
  25. I keep thinking about a day where I don't have to worry about my shoulder anymore. And my neck doesn't hurt. And I have a good job and can afford to support myself.
  26. And I don't feel like a failure in a hopeless situation. One that I can't adequately explain to anyone bc my first surgery sent me a down a spiral that no one close to me really understands.
  27. But it doesn't feel like that day is going to come.
  28. It's one thing after another that's putting my life on hold.
  29. I'm rambling bc idk what else to say anymore
  30. I'm at a loss and I don't have any answers.
  31. I feel like I'm literally watching my life pass me by.