I like to read these with that mystical, cryptic voice they do on those History Channel specials.
  1. The 2016 Election
    A great orange hate will metastasize through the fifty borders// For a deal with the devil will be made in '16// The blubbering beast applauds himself amidst the fallen// Selling fool's gold to the desperate and blind.
  2. Tinder
    The glow of the swipe satisfies the lonely// The fleeting dalliance of ghosts and stage V clingers hypnotize the young// A shameful trek home at first light// A match awaits, the cycle begins anew.
  3. The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst
    The burps of the guilty go unheard// On the porcelain throne, the cornered one sheds his skin// And bares his sins to Jarecki// A life spent falsely, exposed under fluorescent lighting.
  4. Making a Murderer
    Yeah?// Yeah.// Yeah?// Yeah.
  5. li.st
    The eyebrowed genius presents his gift// His merry clan forge their path// Relists abound// A secret legion forms deep in the cyber void.
  6. Kony 2012
    Moving celluloid piques the interest of the Great Nation// Leader of the Invisible Children, his marbles lost// Uncovered and free-ballin'// He smacks the earth of Saint Diego in frenzy.
  7. The Time I Showed up to an Interview a Sweaty Mess After Deciding to Walk 20 Mins in 105 Degrees of Humidity Instead of Taking the Subway Like a Normal Person
    Through the maze of the New City walks a Great Doofus// Perspiration pools under the dullard's bright blue shirt// A prospective employer greets him in horror// The Great Doofus will not be hired.
  8. Deflategate
    An evil tyrant rules behind a mighty shield// Beset upon, the chiseled-jaw leader wages war never-ending// Soft balls give way to bruised egos// The courts adjourn— much ado about nothing.
  9. The OJ Trial
    Spectacle captivates its audience// Dividing the races among them// Wroth townsmen pursue with torches red and blue of which the ivory vessel flees// The angel city tries its famous son.
  10. Lemonade
    The scorned queen will be more of Goddess than of woman// The musical poet paints a journey of self-knowledge// Call Madam Becky// Her loyal hive buzzes, a bad bitch slays.
  11. Edward Snowden and the NSA
    In the year '13, the Watchers' whistle will be blown// Clandestine cloak-and-dagger, secrets set free// The liberator retreats to the land his name bears// Patriot or traitor? Honestly idk either it's pretty murky.
  12. Hodor
    Hold the Door! Hold the Door! Hold the Door!// Hol Da Door! Hol Da Door!...Hol Da Door// Hol dor...Hol dor...Hol dor// Hodor.....Hodor.......Hodor.