MY DOG AND I ARE EXACTLY ALIKE

  1. Neither of us understand wtf you're talking about
  2. Both spend hours laying around, staring into space
  3. Both have short legs
  4. Both like rolling around in the grass
  5. Both kind of chubby, but have recently lost substantial weight and look more athletic
  6. Neither are actually athletic
  7. Neither of us have a job
  8. Both goddamn adorable
  9. Both adept at playing dead