Ramblings From That Monster Under Your Childhood Bed

  1. *sigh*
  2. The hell am I doing here.
  3. 46 years old..still scaring for a living.
  4. I could've been something.
  5. Should have followed my brother to LA.
    He's an actor. Was in a Pixar movie, I heard. Something about monsters?..idk. I mean, it's totally typecasting, but whatever.
  6. Don't get to see a lot of movies here under the bed.
  7. Can't exactly move a whole lot.
  8. I get to hear them. Sometimes. When the volumes loud enough.
    He sounded great. Really, top notch stuff.
  9. Food kinda sucks.
  10. Usually whatever the kid drops. Chips and whatnot.
    I'm pretty malnourished. If anyone's seeing this. Please. Water.
  11. *sigh*
  12. Anyway.
  13. Yeah so my brother's an actor.
    Whoop-dee-doo 🙄🙄🙄
  14. I took the road more traveled. Went into the family business.
  15. Union, weekly paycheck, benefits. Figured it was the safe play.
  16. Kids are covered under my insurance, so that's nice. If I had any kids.
    Again, the bed. Not exactly King-sized. Can't raise a family in a twin.
  17. Oh, how I long to free myself from this box spring prison.
  18. Mom just turned out the lights.
    Yeah, great, roar, whatever.
  19. What if I scared him and then just, you know, kept walking. Like out the door.
    Would anybody really care?
  20. Would anybody even notice I'm gone?
  21. It's a pipe-dream really. I wouldn't even know what to do if I got out.
  22. I'd probably head to the nearest Sleepy's, honestly.
  23. It's all I know at this point.
  24. I'm too old to change, you guys.
  25. Can't teach an old monster new tricks, AMIRITE?!
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH IS ANYONE LAUGHING WITH ME?!
  26. God, I'm lonely.
  27. There's gotta be more to life than this.
  28. What happens when these people move?
    Do I just cling upside down to the bottom of the frame and hope no one sees me?
  29. My ex says I need therapy. Whatever.
  30. She's the tooth fairy. You've probably heard of her before. I think?...idk...been living in the dark half my life.
    Speaking of which, isn't Greenland like the suicide capital of the world because it's dark all the damn time...sounds about right.
  31. *sighhhh*
  32. Anyway, yeah. The tooth fairy.
  33. Her real name is Bridgette.
  34. And she's a raging drug addict.
  35. On blow half the time she's making her rounds. Wrecked out of her mind, really.
  36. Kids lose their teeth, she collects them and leaves a dollar. What kind of sick agreement is that? They give up a body part and she pays them.
  37. Baby tooth prostitutes, if you ask me.
  38. (She uses the dollar bills to snort coke, in case you couldn't connect those dots.)
    Usually off kid's foreheads. She thinks it's hilarious. Most of the time she just keeps the money for herself.
  39. We met Winter of 2005 when the kid lost his first tooth. She was high. I think she thought my fur was a blanket idk. Kinda just happened at that point.
  40. We saw each other for a while, after the kid would fall asleep. Didn't work out. Something about never leaving the bed, blah blah.
  41. Oh look, dust bunny. Never seen that before.
    Sarcasm, if you couldn't tell.
  42. Uhhhhh what else, what else...
  43. Ah, you're probably wondering where I go to the bathroom.
  44. Don't worry about it, that's where.
  45. Mmm, alright I've got nothing else...probably gonna go now.
  46. *sigh*
  47. Think I'll take a nap. Maybe some Sudoku.
  48. The tooth fairy has syphilis.