1. "Sorry about the mess!"
    I'm never sorry about the mess. It's my mess, you don't have to deal with it.
  2. "Yeah I don't know which episode that was"
    We're talking about a show I watch? I know what happened in every single episode, the title of the episode and who wrote it.
  3. "I'll be there in 10 minutes"
    Because of numerous character flaws, this has literally never been true.
  4. "Lol"
    You're not that funny, I probably just chuckled
  5. "Sorry I can't make it!"
    You probably invited me after I already put on pajamas.