THINGS I WISH I COULD PUT IN A COVER LETTER

Like...verbatim.
  1. "Listen. I'd be the best at this job. I know it."
  2. I frequently buy rounds at office bar nights
  3. I'm really fucking good at my job
  4. I give great birthday presents to coworkers
    Usually tickets to something—a concert, sporting event, a play...
  5. I work quickly and efficiently
  6. I like to do group lunches—and I pick up the food
    Because I'm considerate. I'll order and pick up everyone's lunch.
  7. I have been known to pull over on the side of the road to help people with their work crises using my phone as a hotspot
  8. I like to keep candy on my desk to share with people
  9. I love work and pretty much dedicate my life to it completely