Things You Never Want To Hear

But I've been told anyways
  1. My mom doesn't feel comfortable with me rooming with you next year.
    -college friend
  2. I've never seen a car do this before.
    -mechanic
  3. (Uses both hands...) It's like this and I'm like this, (uses one hand).
    -friend describing her and her one night stand's genitals
  4. You are going to be a janitor when you grow up.
    -middle school teacher
  5. You are not going to marry Shia Labeouf.
    -dad
  6. I'll like her when she's dead.
    -friend's husband