1. the democrats
  2. Bernie Sanders
    an older tortoise who is trying his best
  3. Hillary Clinton
    a middle school principal trying to be Hip with the Teens
  4. the republicans
  5. Donald Trump
    a bag of shit with legs that got left in a tanning bed for 3 months
  6. Ted Cruz
    a slice of mediocre lasagna that's been sitting out for too long and the cheese has started sliding off
  7. Marco Rubio
    was a high school class president, practices smiling in a mirror at least 5 hours a day
  8. John Kasich
    a lizard wearing a meat suit
  9. Jeb Bush
    gets really mad when his name autocorrects to Jen. that one great uncle who rarely posts on Facebook but when he does he says something slightly inaccurate but not worth correcting
  10. Ben Carson
    probably was left on the bus by his 4th grade teacher on accident and spent the field trip eating his sandwich with the bus driver
  11. thats all the republicans left now that Christie and Fiorina dropped ¯\_(ツ)_/¯