Lite edition
  1. Throw pillows
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    Don't get me started.
  2. Cheese
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    No, I don't even eat pizza. Yes I've tried it before.
  3. Knickknacks
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    They occupy so much space.
  4. Snow
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    It's pretty until I'm forced to walk in slush and my feet get wet and I want to DIE. I like sledding and whatnot but only for a short amount of time — or after my feet get wet.
  5. The cold
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    I'll flee to warmer lands.
  6. Cats
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    They creep me out.
  7. Zoos
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    The giraffe at the Bronx Zoo made me cry because it was sad and lonely.
  8. Scary movies
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    I'll have night terrors for weeks, even if it was a dumb scary movie.
  9. Jeff Daniels' Emmy for the Newsroom
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    An abomination.
  10. Decaf coffee
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    Get the fuck away from me.