SKILLS THAT DIDN'T MAKE THE LINKEDIN PROFILE
- •Can eat an entire full-sized baguette in one sitting
- •Birthing babies without pain medication in under 2 hours
- •Making devastatingly strong jello shotsIt's a function of temperature vs. evaporation.
- •Multiple accents - can do NYC, Texan, Cockney, flavorless Oregonian, or Filipino Mom on demand
- •Plant assassinAny plant in my possession will die within 48 hours. If Earth is ever invaded by plant based aliens, just put me in charge. Done.
- •Creating crappy jokes where you insert a celebrity name into a phrase such as "Don't be so Tom Petty," or "I'm feeling pretty Merle Haggard after that last presentation"
- •also related: Bilingual puns - e.g., "this French perfumed candle is so bougie" or "a Russian dude threatened to push me out a window and I said в окно!"