How to deal with crushing disappointment

  1. 1.
    Start by asking your boyfriend to go away
    Emoting in peace and privacy is very important.
  2. 2.
    Sit still until the shaking stops
    You can move on to step three when you can feel your fingers again.
  3. 3.
    Buy an absurdly expensive item on the internet
    Hello, peach-pink moto jacket that I purchased with a 50%-off coupon but will still be the most expensive item in my wardrobe to date.
  4. 4.
    Go run in suffocating heat
    Be sure to hydrate and crush your half-mile PR while screaming Girl Talk mashups at the top of your lungs in public.
  5. 5.
    Pout in the shower
    There's a lot of pouting and moping in here.
  6. 6.
    Go to town on leftover pizza
    This really has nothing to do with dealing with disappointment and everything to do with common sense.
  7. 7.
    Drink all the beer your mom left on her last visit
    Give Blue Moon with fresh orange another chance, beer snobs. It's very comforting.
  8. 8.
    Pass out two episodes into a Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries binge-watch.
    MFMM is the only show delightful enough to be even remotely palatable while in the depths of despair.
  9. 9.
    Crawl into bed and sleep alone
    It's better this way. At least the worst has already happened and the anxiety dreams have stopped.
  10. 10.
    Go to work
    Wear your best new pants and favorite blouse and do not, under any circumstances, burn the place to the ground.
  11. 11.
    Take a nap
    Naps are great, especially on roasting hot afternoons.
  12. 12.
    Dick around on the internet for hours
    Never stop lurking on Tumblr.
  13. 13.
    Decline an invitation from your boyfriend to get a drink with a friend
    "No, thanks. I'm still not fit for human consumption."
  14. 14.
    Have a gourmet dinner
    Chocolate-almond bark and an absurd amount of frozen corn cooked with butter. So delicious!
  15. 15.
    More beer, more Miss Fisher
    Why can't every show on Netflix just be a MFMM clone it would make everything so much better?
  16. 16.
    To be continued . . .