I hold the family record, and intend to keep it.
  1. Age 3 — Left arm, when I fell off a bathroom counter
  2. Age 4 — Collarbone, when Peter [last name redacted] pushed me off the playground structure at preschool. Dick.
  3. Age 5 — Left wrist, when falling off a bike (you will soon notice a pattern).
  4. Age 6 — Left wrist, when falling off a bike.
  5. Age 7 or 8 — Left wrist, when falling off a bike.
  6. Age 10 — Left wrist, when falling off a bike. This was my first "adult" break.
  7. Age 15 — Right middle finger, when playing water polo. I spent the next few weeks flipping everyone the bird while elevating my finger on a splint in class.
  8. Age 21 — Dislocated right knee, when dancing at a party in Australia (This is not technically a broken bone, but was still terrible).
  9. Age 29 — Left ankle, when falling on ice. Dick.