Are You Real Housewives of (_city_) Material?

From the drafts 📂. This one goes out to my Bravo-loving boo, @shanaz! It's my 300th list, also. For @andycohen, my other boo, too.
  1. 1.
    Have you released a mediocre, yet mildly catchy song?
  2. 2.
    Have you written a book that's part self-help, part autobiographical?
  3. 3.
    Do you wear statement necklaces?
  4. 4.
    Do you have a closet full of taffeta and satin cocktail dresses?
  5. 5.
    Do you own at least one caftan?
  6. 6.
    Do you wear 6" Louboutins everywhere, even on the beach or in a desert?
  7. 7.
    Are you working on a lifestyle brand? Maybe just a toaster oven?
  8. 8.
    Are you having marital troubles after proclaiming to have the best relationship ever?
  9. 9.
    Are you going through a divorce?
  10. 10.
    Do you bicker constantly with your friends and acquaintances?
  11. 11.
    Do you have a flair for the dramatics?
  12. 12.
    Do you have a jewelry line? A clothing line that no one can buy?
  13. 13.
    Do you have regularly scheduled Botox and Juvaderm appointments?
  14. 14.
    Have you written a cookbook of family recipes?
  15. 15.
    Is your favorite drink Pinot Grigio or a dirty martini?
  16. 16.
    Do you have dinner parties that become WWIII?
  17. 17.
    Does everyone wonder where all of your money comes from?
  18. 18.
    Are you always tardy for the party?