I almost never talk about this. It's not that I'm in in denial - I'm not - but it's not a fun subject. I haven't always been overweight. Unfortunately, I let life events overtake how I was caring for my body. I wish I hadn't. But I did and I'm here now and I'm trying to do better for myself.
  1. You get used to being invisible
    No really, you do. And it's heartbreaking. People look past you and either you don't even register on their radar or it was such a tiny fraction of a second that it didn't really count. You just don't matter.
  2. People look at you with pity
    If they look at you at all.
  3. Constant criticism and judgement
    From family, friends, and strangers. Just today, my father commented on how fat I was and said I'd better not gain anymore weight. Thanks.
  4. You overhear shitty comments
    Some people have no problem saying something that's mean or offensive. They'll forget about it in 2 seconds, but I won't. Ex: on my last birthday, I was walking to go meet people and 2 guys passed me and said, "What a waste - her face isn't bad, but she's too fat."
  5. Not everyone gives you a chance simply because of how you look
    I've been turned down for jobs that I was overqualified for because of how I look. Ex: I went on a job interview for an architect when I first moved to LA. I was a lot smaller then but not skinny. He'd been excited to meet me... until I got there. He said he was looking for someone who was "model skinny." To be his office assistant.
  6. Not everyone gives you a chance simply because of how you look, part 2
    Let's talk about love. Not matter your personality or what kind of person you are, some people will not give you a chance. They just can't get past the fact that you're not skinny. I've found 3 types of people: those who just can't deal with it, those who manage to move past it once they get to know you, and those that it just doesn't matter. The latter is much harder to find.
  7. Getting pushed aside so they can talk to your friend
    If I had a dollar for every time a guy asked me for a friend's number...always them.
  8. People you don't know will have opinions of you
    People make assumptions that you're just lazy. No one ever takes into account medical issues, life circumstances, or eating disorders.
  9. Some people just don't take you seriously
    Your opinion just sometimes doesn't seem to matter with certain people.
  10. Finding clothes isn't fun or easy
    Do you think we want to only wear polyester? Is that the only fabric we're worthy of? Just because we're fat doesn't mean we don't care how we look.
  11. It's hard to feel comfortable in your skin when your body feels foreign to you
    Especially when you haven't always been this way. It's also hard when you know everyone is judging you for your outer appearance.
  12. People assume you've given up
    Which couldn't be further from the truth. I don't want to stay like this. I mean, if I did that would be fine too. But I do want to be healthy and happier for myself and I'm working on that.
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  14. I've been lucky that I've found (I can't believe I just typed that. Like I should be grateful to find someone who can put up with my size - that's how we're conditioned to think)... I should say, I've found men where it didn't matter. Really great men. Men that were probably judged for going out with me, but it was never an issue for them.
  15. I'm happy there are people like that in this world. Ones who can look at the person as a whole and not just the external package. The ones that can't might be missing out on meeting someone pretty great.
  16. I don't want to be fat - I don't think anyone does. It sucks! If it were that simple to fix it, everyone would. No one knows the struggles people might be facing - some are visible, many are not. Have compassion for everyone you meet. Everyone deserves that.
    That's me.
  17. It's hard enough being fat but being shamed for it on a daily basis is really awful.