never made it as my twitter bios, a running list

Inspired by @jeremysomething \\\ this has been in drafts for a million years \\\ also, these statements always come up in conversations
  1. 1.
    clearly i'm the poster child for dysfunction
  2. 2.
    i can only relate to people who have meltdowns
  3. 3.
    why get out of bed when i can stay in bed?
  4. 4.
    if there's one thing i'm good at it's rebooting dicks
  5. 5.
    just like with my life, i'm good at making things hard