Inspired by @jeremysomething \\\ this has been in drafts for a million years \\\ also, these statements always come up in conversations
  1. clearly i'm the poster child for dysfunction
  2. i can only relate to people who have meltdowns
  3. why get out of bed when i can stay in bed?
  4. if there's one thing i'm good at it's rebooting dicks
  5. just like with my life, i'm good at making things hard