Things to Do When You Can't Sleep

It's 3:32am. Do you know where your sleep is? Yeah, me either so I'm doing other things. Here are some legit things to do to bide your time till morning
  1. Stare at the ceiling and think about how you could paint it.
  2. Notice the dust built up on the ceiling fan.
  3. Watch that Keith Urban infomercial about learning how to play shitty songs like "Sweet Home Alabama".
    You probably like that song but it makes me want to stab my eyeballs with a rusty spoon. Or my earholes.
  4. Think about that last guy you dated and how maybe he wasn't that bad.
  5. Think that it wouldn't hurt to text him at 3:34am to check in.
  6. Quickly remember what a complete douchebag he was.
  7. Think about how your iPhone still can't spell douchebag.
  8. Wish you had more alcohol in the house.
  9. Make a mental note to get more alcohol for such occasions.
  10. Think about how you have to get up in 1 hour and 15 minutes.
  11. Think about all the list suggestions you want to send to @bjnovak.
  12. And instead of trying to sleep, make another list for @list.